Stupidest Thing Ever?
Surfing on my day off (probably at Pop Culture Junkmail) and found X-Entertainment – Rainbow Brite at the San Diego Zoo!. This article is apparently a review of some kind of educational film from the 1980s. So, should you go add this to your children’s video collection? Maybe not. Some excerpts:
The only reason I can’t truthfully call this the stupidest thing I’ve ever seen is because I just caught my cat eating matches.
The premise is basic enough – Rainbow Brite’s enemies start causing some trouble at the San Diego Zoo, so she’s gotta help put a stop to their antics. [Enemies? Rainbow Brite has enemies? Like who? Osama Bin Laden? Rush Limbaugh? The Pilsbury Doughboy?]
Her enemies, who we’ll meet in a few minutes, are obsessed with removing all color from the planet. [Photoshop users? Who, man, who?]
Ah, we finally get to meet our star villains – Murky Dismal, and his faithful compatriot, Lurky. [Anyone else routing for Andy Warhol? Oh well.]
I can’t believe I’ve been writing about this movie for the past hour and a half. [I can’t believe I’m still reading this review.]
HOORAY FOR ME, I DID IT!
I RESTORED COLOR TO THIS ZOO!
WORSHIP THE GROUND I SPIT ON!
I AM YOUR HIGH PRIESTESS, SHANA!
AND THIS THING TO THE LEFT OF ME…
IS MALE, FEMALE, AND PLANT!
DISGORGE YOUR SOUL, MORTALS.
[Well, at least it has an interesting moral.]