Messed Up Dream Time

So I’m walking around a strange city with some friends and we find ourselves in a café across the street from none other than the home of Martha Stewart! It sits behind a restaurant that bears her name. A psychic comes up to us and tells us that all kinds of great things will happen if we go into her home and eat in the restaurant. She tells me that I will meet the person who, in my childhood, made my heart go pitter pat whenever he called or wrote. I have no idea who this is but am dying to see!

Another friend comes up and we realize he has a tenuous connection to Martha. He can get us in. I explain what the psychic said and he replies “Aren’t you an atheist? Don’t you NOT believe in these sorts of things?” Yah, but I don’t want to explain this to the others and anyway I want to see Martha’s house. We all have decided it must be the most tasteful place ever.

He gets us inside and indeed there are some pretty parts but … it’s not especially gorgeous. Where are the cute knickknacks? The placed-just-so floor coverings? Even matching pillows? Well, it turns out that Martha has two cats — a shy white cat and a beautiful, friendly calico. If she were to actually use those things in her house the cats would destroy them. We all nod knowingly.

After a very nice visit made all the more delightful by the lovely calico, Martha invites us to eat in the restaurant for free. We accept. Even starting with the appetizers, the dishes are exactly what you’d expect from Martha: exotic cheese (yuck, I thought), fresh fruit with tasty nuts, stuffed this and that, wonderful! And as I look at the daily menu, I see the guy I was expecting. Tonight Martha’s Restaurant has a special musical guest — none other than the sexy and talented Chris Isaak!

Well, not exactly someone who ever wrote or called when I was a kid or adult. But, I thought, close enough!