Can’t sleep! Clown will eat me!
OK, it’s the Onion, so it’s a cheap shot, but I liked Rotation Of Earth Plunges Entire North American Continent Into Darkness:
Millions of eyewitnesses watched in stunned horror Tuesday as light emptied from the sky, plunging the U.S. and neighboring countries into darkness. As the hours progressed, conditions only worsened.
What unimaginable disaster does night bring?